I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He better not be in your backpack
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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