You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
