you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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