I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
