I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
