Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We are all done wearing pants today
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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