So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
