I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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