Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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