He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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