ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
