Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
