Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
