and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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