this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
