i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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