At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
