i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
