My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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