Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
