hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
