here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
