i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
