Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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