You smell like stripper and shame
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
