The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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