chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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