You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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