The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
