My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
