Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
