the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
