OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
