Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
