i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
