I wish I could teleport
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
