are you still at the devil's house?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
