i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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