Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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