Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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