I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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