I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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