You smell like a Billy Joel song
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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