are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
