just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
