Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
