he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
