Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
