Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
