Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
